Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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