Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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