Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
