The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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