okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How does one acquire holy water?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
