why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
