I'm really into asian looking animals
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
