I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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