Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
