i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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