I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
