Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize