Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
