i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
