i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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