You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
