They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
