All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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