Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
