I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
