so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
