Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
