I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
