I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
