That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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