I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
