my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
