i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
