I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
