I think my fart just growled at me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
