No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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