Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think your dad took our porno
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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