I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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