dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
