I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize