every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
