That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
