I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
