I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
