I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
