I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
