google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
