It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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