Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
