let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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