just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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