I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
