i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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