Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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