Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
