You can't motorboat a personality
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
