who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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