Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i have two assholes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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