apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
