i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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