You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
