dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
