I feel like abortions should bother me more
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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