I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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