They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
