i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
