we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
