in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
