I want to stick my p in your. b.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
