i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
