Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
