Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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