I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
