she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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